Twas the Night Before Christmas Gerard Braud Communications.jpeg

Twas the Night Before Christmas With Edits

By Gerard Braud

The poem, Twas the Night Before Christmas, is only 56 lines long. As writing goes, it’s pretty perfect. But we all know there are people where you work, who feel compelled to make edits, no matter how perfect your writing is. Maybe it’s the CEO or CFO, or an engineer, IT guy, accountant, doctor, or even the lawyer. Sure, they just want it to be more accurate and legally correct. But are all of those edits really necessary?

So for those of you who feel compelled to make edits, and to those of you who have been victimized by a red pen, I offer to you this special version of the poem, with edits. ©2018

Twas the Night Before Christmas With Edits


 Twas the nocturnal period preceding the annual Christian festival, when throughout the domicile


No one of consequence was moving, including the rodents


Long socks receptacles were suspended near the thermal unit, with safety as a top priority

in expectation that a legendary Christian Bishop, born in the region of modern day Turkey, in or about 280 A.D., who was later Canonized by the Pope, would arrive post-haste


The humans below the legal age of majority, were reclined comfortably within their sleeping apparatuses


While apparitions of dehydrated fruit, filled their subconscious


And the maternal figure donning a headscarf, and I, in a consensual relationship, did likewise


Had just reached a state of extended hibernation


When in an external grassy zone, a ruckus occurred


I spontaneously ejected myself from my sleeping device, to evaluate the situation


Away to an opening in the wall I expedited myself


With vigor, I forcefully opened a set of protective panels


The satellite of the earth unified with the flakes of ice crystals


Gave the reflective quality of noon, to objects below


When, while visibly curious there appeared


A smaller than common vehicle of transport and eight proportional deer, common to subarctic regions


With a demure heavy equipment operator, so agile and prompt


I surmise instantly that it must be the aforementioned Saint


More rapid than birds of prey, the mammals came


And he exuded a high-pitched sound, then proclaimed their given names


You may Google the historic names if necessary, since corporate policy prohibits us from releasing names without consent… and because some of the names imply behavior that may be deemed as inappropriate or suggestive, and not in keeping with our policies regarding sexual harassment in the workplace


To the top of covered shelter protecting the entrance to our domicile

To the top of the vertical structure supporting the inner and outer cladding


Now run or travel somewhere in a great hurry, bolt, and/or gallop


As foliage void of moisture within a tropical cyclone, having winds exceeding 74 miles per hour


When they encountered structures that hindered forward progress, they accelerating upward


So up to the structure’s ridgeline the beast maneuvered


With the vehicle at capacity with objects of play; and the Bishop inside as well


And then like chimes, I heard on the ridgeline


The exaggerated movement, and clatter of horny feet


As I extracted my head from the framed opening, and was moving in a circular motion


Down the vertical channel for combustion gases, came the Saint, with great haste, void of OSHA required protective gear


His wardrobe consisted of natural mammal pets with hair still attached, covering his entirety, much to the protest of certain animal rights activist


The garments were discolored with combustion residue


A sum of replicas were suspended to the rear of his torso


And like a merchant of goods, he displayed all of his wares


His visual organs – how they reflected the light

His facial indentions exhibited great joy


His face just below his eye socket, was reminiscent of blooming thorn-filled plants; his nostril area like ripe, round fruit


His pursed lips, they provoked such dry amusement


And his unshaven facial hair was similar in color to the crystalized precipitation


The extension of a tobacco burning device was clinched within the enamel-coated structures of his jaw


And cancer causing carbon particles were visible in a circular shape


His facial structure was wider than it was tall

His spherical abdominal region

Vibrated upon guffaw, resembling a food basin at capacity with sweet, semisolid preserve


His weight-to-height ratio was disproportionate; while he correctly personified a character portrayed in a seasonal holiday movie classic starring Will Ferrell


And there was humor in his antics, despite my presence


A non-flirtatious closing one eye, and a rotation of his neck


Soon indicated he was friend and not foe and therefore there was no need to seek outside mutual aid


He remained silent and demonstrated a commendable work ethic


And he filled the long sock receptacles; then made a quick, sudden movement


And he placed his index digit beside his nostril trunk


And with acknowledgement, he ascended the combustion chamber vent


He extradited himself to his transport, then repeated the high-pitched sound


And away the individual and his mammals departed through a control ascent in the atmosphere, similar in nature to the seed disbursement mechanism of certain plants


But I was able to discern his verbal proclamation as he departed from vision


Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night… despite the edits.


©2018 Diversified Media, LLC dba Gerard Braud Communications

Crisis communications and media training expert Gerard Braud, CSP, Fellow IEC is based in New Orleans. Organizations on five continents have relied on him to write their crisis communications plans and to train their spokespeople. He is the author of “Don’t Talk to the Media Until…”

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